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May. 27.

Waffle Wednesday: Things You’ve Always Wanted To Ask A Trans Person

ww-logo-thThere is a video currently doing the rounds of internet land, that was originally made by BBC Three’s Free Speech programme, entitled Things You’ve Always Wanted To Ask A Trans Person (But Probably Shouldn’t) that has popped up in my timeline a couple of times in the past two days. It was on The Journal today (where I engaged in the comments, which are a dark soulless place – bad Robyn, don’t read the comments, you know that!), and it does pose an interesting question as to just what is and isn’t okay to ask.

Looking at some of the questions included in the video, you have to wonder just what some people are thinking in believing it is okay to ask these things. Let’s be honest, if you were to go up to a woman at random and say “Can I feel your boobs?” you’ll be lucky to get away with just a slap around the face. Why should someone who is trans* be any different? Likewise, how do you have sex? If that is your opening line, you better have much more than your charming personality to go with, because it alone is letting you down. There seems to be an attitude that trans* people are at best curiosities, and at works (as put by one commenter on The Journal) creatures, seemingly beneath basic human rights and boundaries. That is very much not the case.

That said though, I do believe that sometimes asking questions, in the right way, and at the right time, is acceptable. If you are asking for the right reasons, to learn and understand what trans* people go through, then I wouldn’t mind answering them, and I’m sure most trans* people would be the same. (Some questions may be off limits unless you are really close though). And so, if it helps anyone, here are my answers (though they’re probably nowhere near as good as the ones of the people in the video!)

  • When did you decide to be transgender? I never really decided. I just am, though to give something, I suppose I became aware of it in my mid teens.
  • Have you had the op? Medical questions, woo! I’ve been through so many ops now that I lose track of them, but the ones you are thinking about, no. Patience, grasshopper!
  • Which bathroom do you use? The one that is there when I need to pee. Which one do you use?
  • How do you have sex? In bed with the person I love. Get to know me better and ask again.
  • Are you a drag queen? No. I don’t have the makeup skills for the eyes and contouring.
  • Are you sure you aren’t just gay? Gender and sexuality are two completely different things, with infinite different stops on each scale. Variety is the spice of life after all. Wouldn’t life get boring if we were all the same.
  • Can I see a picture? If you know me well enough to see a picture, great. If not, too bad. There’s not much difference, except for my being much more fabulous.
  • Can I feel your boobs? Can I feel yours? No – then don’t be such a tit and stop asking stupid questions.
  • I can tell you used to be a man/woman – Well good for you, but the thing is I don’t really care. I am who I am and if you don’t like it, move along.
  • I never know what to call them – he/she/they? This is quite simple. If you see a woman you use she. If you see a man – he. If you’re unsure, they is gender neutral and works great until you politely ask. That should clear up and issues. If in doubt, ask. We don’t bite (much)
  • Do you think you’ll ever go back? Happiness is everything. Why go back to being unhappy?

As I said, there are some questions there that should really never be asked. I know curiosity may get the better of you, but stopping for a second and thinking whether you would reasonably ask a cisgender person the same thing will give you a pretty good basis for asking or not.

I must also say thank you to BBC Three for putting together the video, and for their respondants for giving such excellent answers!

Robyn

By Robyn | Posted in All About Me, Inspiration, Random Waffle, Thoughts, Waffle Wednesday | Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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  • Great post, Robyn. It will always baffle me the things people think it acceptable to ask, especially to strangers or people they don’t know that well.

    • Some people have no sense of what is or isn’t acceptable. Some people drunkenly blurt out these things. All of it is just weird, especially when you don’t know the person. And boob grabbing is always bad, regardless.

  • Loved this, thanks for sharing you babe! Just a few things, that guy with the shaved sides of his head and the dyed blue on top? Jesus christ sign me up. Also the girl in the hoodie has THE shinist hair in all the land.

    Side note, feel free to feel my boobs whenever you like ;D xox

  • Brilliant post! I think people in general really have absolutely no boundaries when it comes to personal questions. I was asked several times if I had the twins “naturally” – no, I was beamed up to Mars and they were floated out on a single silver thread…….. Mind your own business! Believe me, I overshare anyway, so hang round long enough and you’ll know everything, but strangers?! No!!!! I laughed at the “are you sure you aren’t gay” question – do they think you’ll just turn around and go “oh my god! That’s it! I’m gay! I’ve been wrong all this time, thank you!!” in all fairness………………….xx

    • Someone always has either all the questions or all the answers, and none of the sense to know when it’s appropriate to say something.

Go on, talk to me. I don't bite!

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